... finding romance in France.
... finding romance in France.
The reason I avoided Paris for years, saying "no" to find your "yes!", receiving love the way I deserve, winks from the universe, plus a little announcement.
Bonjour! Ça va?
It’s been one whole week since returning from a whirlwind of a trip to France, my first-ever visit to that part of Europe. A pre-planned 14-day trip that turned into 17 days. The customs officer at the Philadelphia airport had the audacity to boldly ask me why I canceled and rebooked my return flight two separate times. I wished to respond “Because it’s Paris, obviously!” but as someone afraid of authority I responded with a less enthusiastic and more formal reason.
It was a long travel day back and I only cried for the first hour into it, which is impressive it didn’t last longer than that. However, the TSA-PreCheck agents at Philly airport really lacked any sympathy for a girl who unknowingly threw out the Duty-Free bag (I didn’t know you’re supposed to keep the bag!) that carried her new (and tightly sealed) 12oz Caudalie grape water face spray she purchased at Charles de Gaulle Airport for 8€ that they made her throw out even though she had a receipt as proof of airport purchase! That was me. I was that girl. And there was a whole lot of frustration involved of them yelling at me like I was some idiot who was flying for the first time - I was frazzled! Cue the tears bringing back all of the emotions from the very first hour. It’s fine. I hate Philly, but I love Paris.
The reason I avoided Paris
Back in 2019 when I was planning my first solo trip to Europe before turning 30 I took a poll on my Instagram asking people what European cities they’d recommend for a female solo traveler. Mixed in with the positive submissions were also some cautionary messages about avoiding solo travel to Paris since it was considered unsafe for female travelers. The moment I heard that opinion from multiple people I had crossed it off of the list of options. As a first-time solo traveler, I wouldn’t dare go where I was receiving bad recommendations because I certainly knew nothing about Europe at the time (I ended up visiting Amsterdam, London (pre-Brexit), and Switzerland). Looking back, maybe it was unsafe pre-COVID, or maybe the people who alerted me had a bad experience themselves - who knows! So I tucked Paris in the back of my mind and into a bucket list of “Places to go when I have a partner to go with” especially because Paris is such a romantic city, I knew I wanted to experience it with someone else. In retrospect, that was a bit of a hypocritical thought for me to tell myself since my whole purpose for solo travel is to not have to wait for a partner to come around in order for me to live life and explore the world. Alas, it took me 5-years plus a few new friends I met in Italy this summer who raved about Paris and how it feels safe for women and is so easy to navigate getting around. At the time that I heard of this positive Paris outlook, I was mulling over the decision to travel to Provence in September to photograph a week-long women’s wellness retreat, Gallivant & Gather, hosted by a dear friend. She presented the opportunity to me before I left for Italy and when I returned I booked the flight, bookending my time in France to be in Paris. To The City of Love and Light, I go.
Saying “No” to find your “Yes!”
A couple of weeks before leaving for France, I had connected with a guy that my best friend and her husband had been trying to set me up with for about a year. I had crushed on him from a distance for the entire year of knowing of his existence and we finally went on a date. It started great and felt easy and right at first and then as the week went on, his actions weren’t aligning with his words. With some guidance from my best friend, I was quick to cut him off… 6 days in. Essentially telling him “Hey, I’m actually in a place in my life right now where I’m ready to be with someone who chooses me without hesitation. I understand if you’re not in the same place, but I feel it’s important to speak to my needs and intentions”. His response was a mix of things of not being ready blah blah blah, and ending with “Let’s be in touch”. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I made sure to explain to him clearly on the phone that my message was a definitive “no” and “you’re either two feet in or two feet out the door. There is no “Let’s be in touch” option”. I told him I had no time for a situationship because I’d wasted years on those before and they’ve only held me back from finding what was right for me. When it comes to dating, I’ve always had trouble speaking my truth out of fear of making the other person uncomfortable (guilty people pleaser, that is I), catering to their feelings more than my own. Instead, I would end up sitting in my own discomfort which wasn’t healthy for anybody. My girlfriends reassured me that the quicker I say “No” and stop entertaining immaturity, the quicker I will find my “Yes!” and I already look back and thank myself for putting an end to that before I left the country. It opened the door, and my heart, to an exciting new adventure ahead.
My favorite piece of advice I loved getting from my best friend is to live a single life worth mourning because it could change in an instant. I think of that a few times a week when I do the simplest or most spontaneous things for myself, but this advice resonates most when I’m solo traveling. What kind of experiences do I want to fill the story that is my life?
Following that advice, I met up with a new friend, Marissa, on my second night in Paris. We were introduced to each other a month prior through our close mutual friend from Charleston. Marissa has spent a lot of solo time in Paris throughout the years and it’s essentially her heart’s home. A place that speaks to her soul and where she feels she was always meant to be. She too is a Virgo so that night that we met was to celebrate her next trip around the sun, Italian-Parisian style. We ate dinner at 10 pm (pizza and pasta!) and found our way to a club in the basement of a French restaurant at midnight (my typical bedtime) when they opened. A group of older men invited us to their VIP table and we had a lot of questions like what’s their occupation and what are they doing in Paris? Based on their elusive answers, I think we were partying with some mysterious high-rollers. Allora, pass the champagne, please!
We danced our freaking asses off to the best 90s hip hop, R&B, and electronic mix of music. I was completely sober, which made it even more fun for me since I got home at 3 am, showered, downloaded Hinge, swiped through lots of hot French men, went to bed at 4:30 am, and woke up 4-hours later sans hangover to catch a train to Provence. A story for the single girl book!
En route to Provence, I matched with someone my Instastory followers now know as “Hinge Guy”. He was one of a handful of matches but the only one who actually initiated a conversation. To be honest, he liked my profile first and I looked at his profile on and off for almost the entire 3-hour train ride. Opening and closing the app just staring and not making a move. I didn’t know how I felt about his photos (superficially) or vague profile answers and just felt really hesitant. However, something about him also felt very genuine. Bonus points for writing his profile answers in English. Throughout our short texting conversation, I had mentioned I’d be in Provence for the next week and would return to Paris the following Saturday to bookend the trip. We inconsistently messaged over the next week and eventually planned for a first date for the night I returned to Paris.
Before I met him for drinks, I went to dinner with Marissa in search of delicious French onion soup. It was super chilly in Paris in contrast to Provence and I dumbfoundedly rushed out of my Airbnb apartment in cropped jeans, loafers, and exposed ankles! “I should’ve worn my crew socks,” I said to Marissa. “I might suggest to my date that I want to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night, but I also don’t want to be walking outside in the cold with my ankles exposed!” Facetiously, I said, “I’m going to make my date give me his socks to wear and walk around in.” Marissa laughed and asked for the lowdown on this Hinge Guy and what I know about him. Nothing. I knew nothing! I didn’t have time to text much during the week prior and ask the routine questions. I was going into this completely blind with zero expectations. It’s Paris! I’m traveling and it will just be fun to meet someone new. Marissa was my inspiration behind downloading Hinge, too, because, in all of her recent years spent in Paris, she always had the most fun dating experiences while there. Alors, c’est parti!